How Can It Be...

That 6 months have gone by since I last blogged? So much has happened, and yet nothing has happened. I completed radiation treatment on August 24, 2009. I am still feeling the effects of the surgeries and radiation, but I only notice it when I am at the gym. Everyday life is fluid, but when I stretch or lift weights I notice tightness and pulling in places where it is not expected. During those moments, I take the time to grieve. My radiation oncologist told me that this common. As cancer patients, we go through treatment very functionally, doing what we need to do in order to beat this disease and move on. In order to live. When it comes time to move on is when we begin to grieve. So I give in to the moment, allowing myself to feel just a little bit sad, and to acknowledge the twinges and the aches as I move through my workout. I know that just as the exercise will make me stronger and restore me to wholeness, allowing myself to feel just a bit sorry for myself will allow me the same growth emotionally. I just feel a bit sad for awhile that I am not able to do things quite as easily as before, yet I am still so thankful for early detection and great doctors.

I have registered to run in the Seattle Rock n Roll Half Marathon in June, so my workouts are leading into training for that event. Right now I am focused on rebuilding my cardiovascular stamina, doing 3 slow easy runs each week, and 1 harder run which will be hills and/or speedwork. As the training period approaches I will increase those runs but for now it just feels good to be rebuilding.

I am also doing more knitting these days - I had to put down my needles last spring when my carpal tunnel syndrome pain became too much. In hindsight I do remember that each time I have had surgery, the pain has become much more intense - is there an inflammatory response in the healing process that is also causing inflammation in my wrists? That is my current theory. At any rate, I did choose to have surgery in both hands last fall and consider the procedures a great success! I no longer experience pain or numbness in my hands. 6 months ago my pain was terrible, waking me up every night and making it hard to do simple things in the morning until about noon or so. I am so thankful for the healing power of God through the hands of a skilled surgeon.

Sizzler, Red Lobster or Daniel's Broiler?

I don't know about you, but as summer stretches on, I find it nice to have a routine. Even if it's going in for cancer treatment, I get up every day, Monday - Friday, and have to be somewhere. I get dressed, put on make up (not ALL of my make-up, just enough to look alive) and drive to the Cancer Partnership for my daily appointment. Then I walk in the door. I remember why I am there. Ick.

Most days I keep my sense of humor and think some thoughts which seem riotously funny to me. I ususally keep those thoughts to myself as I do not know where others are at emotionally. On Friday I just had to let it out. I had been reading a brochure in the waiting room and learned that the machine used to shoot radiation at me is called a Linac machine, short for "linear accellerator". I informed the technican (Adam) that I had been calling it "Ray" all along. He agreed that that was brilliant, but that he had been calling it "Sizzler". The second technician said "Why not just call it The Red Lobster", but I thought perhaps "Daniel's Broiler" would be classier. Hmm...Good Times.

Visiting Ray D. Ashun

Sorry I have not been blogging much for the past couple of weeks. The process for setting up radiation takes a couple of weeks, so I took advantage of the wait time to take a vacation from breast cancer. I didn't visit any other blogs, didn't read any memoirs and didn't do any research. As a consequence, there was not much to tell regarding the whole breast cancer situation. Add to that the fact that my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is way out of control and causing pain in my hands during the night and stretching until mid-day. I just haven't felt like typing in the morning, and if my day gets going I am not likely to sit down and write.

If you're part of my prayer team I would appreciate prayers that this carpal tunnel pain would go away. I am not doing much with my hands these days, so my theory is that going off the pill has messed with my hormones. The hormonal fluctation is causing water retention which is settling in my hands and causing pressure in the tissues surrounding the nerve running through my carpal tunnel. This also happened after the birth of both children which is what makes me believe this theory. I'm trying to drink a lot of water, running 3-4 days a week and trying not to eat salty or sugary things...(I said TRYING) but it's not working so well. Argh.

As far as Ray D. Ashun (Radiation) goes, so far it's a breeze. I drive to the Providence Cancer Partnership each day for my 10:36am appointment. Sadly, Ray is very popular so the schedule is exact. Happily, my total treatment time takes about 6 minutes, with a total of radiation time of like 48 seconds or so. I don't feel anything during the treatment, i just hear a little buzzing noise that tells me the beams are going. I pray and try to help the beams find any rapidly dividing cells and zap them dead. I also pray that my skin will stay healthy and not show any burns or distress.

I will see the Radiation Oncologist once a week on Wednesdays - he (or she, depending on who is seeing patients that day) will monitor me to make sure that I am tolerating the treatments well. I will have a total of 28 treatments to my whole breast, followed by 9 boosts to the exact location where the tumor was removed. I go in every day, Monday - Friday until we get through all 37 of the treatments. As of today I have completed 4 treatments. Hey, I'm 10% to my goal! I may start seeing some side effects after 10 treatments or so. These side effects might include changes to my skin (ranging from slight sunburn look to full on burns) and some fatigue. Well, the hormonal changes and the carpal tunnel already keep me up at night so I'm not sure if I would recognize fatigue. I am thinking that the fatigue will just help me sleep better...we shall see.

Locks of Love

June 19, 2009

Today Audrey had her hair cut and donated the pony tails to Locks of Love. She had been growing her hair during the past school year and had planned to do this long before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am so proud of her!

No Mutation Detected

"If you picture Time as a straight line along which we have to travel, then you must picture God as the whole page on which the line is drawn."

C.S. Lewis

I read this quote this morning in our church's newsletter - "Perspectives". It just hit me, I had to stop and think and reflect for a few minutes. For me, breast cancer is a just a blip on the straight line of time that I am traveling.

About 3 weeks ago I went to the Comprehensive Breast Center to meet with the Nurse Practicioner who handles genetic testing at the clinic. She is a lovely woman, we both have a 10-year old daughter and I enjoyed her company during my appointment. I was there to learn about a test called BRACAnalysis. BRACAnalysis is a genetic test where the BRACA1 and BRACA2 genes are identified and tested to see if either gene contains a mutation which would predispose a person to breast and ovarian cancer. The test is done on blood drawn from the patient. As you may have guessed from the title of this entry - My genes show no mutation, I am not a carrier of the breast cancer gene.

Of all of the tests that I have been through, the outcome on this one had the potential to be the most devastating. A positive result would have meant that every single breast cell and ovarian cell in my body was predisposed to become a cancer cell at some point. This would have put my statistical risk of a second breast cancer at 48% - 64%. Yikes. Additionally, it would have put my sister, daughter and granddaughters at an elevated risk. Double Yikes. Thank you, Lord!


There are 2 Nurse Practicioners at the Comprehensive Breast Center who have the lovely job of delivering 90% of all breast cancer diagnoses in our area. Both women are compassionate and caring and do their jobs well. Part of their job is to make an early determination whether a person is at risk for carrying the breast cancer gene. I was determined to be at risk since I have a cousin who also had breast cancer in her mid-forties. So that means it could be traveling through my Mother's side of the family. That was not likely, but qualified me to bill the insurance for the test. The real risk was thought to be on my Dad's side. My Dad is a generation of brothers and his dad is a generation of brothers. Before that, my Grandpa lived in Greece so we do not know the history. Taking the blood test and getting the information out there for the rest of the family seemed worth the time it takes to give a little bit of blood.


Isn't it amazing the amount of information we can learn through modern medicine. I am thankful to be living in a time where there is so much hope when diagnosed with a potentially deadly disease. That's for sure.

TODAY can be my day

Yesterday, my Oncologist called to let me know that he had received the results of the Oncotype DX test. This is a Breast Cancer Assay, where they look at the individual genes within the tumor removed from my breast and determine how each gene (21 of them for this test) is expressed. Basically, it tells how likely my individual cancer tumor cells are to spread or grow. According to this test, the type of cells that make up the tumor removed from my breast are at a low risk of recurrance. LOW RISK OF RECURRANCE. I just had to say that again.

With a combination of surgery, radiation and hormone blocking drugs for the next 5 years (maybe more - studies are in the works), there is about a 10% chance that I would get cancer again within the next 10 years. That means that there is a 90% chance that I will remain cancer-free for at least the next 10 years. Whoo Hoo! Notice anything missing there? Chemotherapy. The Onco Doc will not be recommending chemo at this time. Statistically, adding chemo to the treatment would only reduce my chance of recurrance by 1-2%. At an already low rate of 10%, the risks and side effects outweigh the benefits in my personal opinion (and the doc agrees). And it is my personal body we are talking about here.

Thank you all for praying for God's peace. Honestly, I was surprised by the test results and I suspect that my doctor was as well. I was all ready to go through chemo. I shopped for wigs, tried different ways of wearing hats and scarves. I had the prescriptions for anti-nausea meds and pre-treatment steroids in hand. I had even gone so far as to call the Cancer Center to schedule my first treatment. That day was supposed to be today - June 9, 2009. But the Lord knew otherwise. He put a doubt in my mind that as long as there was more information about my situation available, I was not to be at peace with the decision. I had met with 2 different doctors, neither one of them had mentioned this test. It's a newer test and not yet widely used. I learned about it through friends on a breast cancer survivors' message board. Yep, I read it on the Internet. I researched it and found that I met all of the criteria. When I asked the new Doc about the test, he had used it in other cases and was very willing to order it for mine. He said that he had made his recommendation for chemo as the "standard of care" in my situation, but that if I was having trouble deciding, this would give me one more piece of information to look at. Had I not asked, this important information would not be available and I would be sitting in a chemo chair this very day, June 9th, rather than my office chair.

To me, this shows that the Lord is our ultimate healer. He speaks to us daily through the world around us, giving us wise doctors and access to information. It is up to us to listen to His still small voice and to follow His daily leading. Thank You Jesus.

Race for the Cure

Sunday was the Susan G. Kommen Race for the Cure. I love doing running events and thought that this would be a great way to mark the beginning of treatment. I've been running with K2 (neighbor/friend) for the past year, and both of us have been benched this spring - she with an injury, and me due to the surgeries. We were both ready to get running again and took the past few weeks to ease into running the 5K last Sunday. We completed in 37 minutes with several walk breaks, but it was good to get out and run with a crowd again.

I was surprised at how few survivors were part of the running section. Maybe it was too early in the morning, or maybe it was because cancer is usually a disease of age, and most people in their 60's don't run anymore. Most of the ladies in pink (the survivors wore a special pink shirt, while the others wore white) participated in the walk event. It took about 30 minutes to get all of the walkers on the course - there were so many. The amazing thing to me was how many white shirts there were. Men, women and children who raised money to help fight breast cancer, and to gather at such a large event to show support of others fighting the fight.

I am having a hard time describing the emotions of walking around in the pink shirt. One the one hand you are immediately identifiable and treated like royalty. The sponsors give lots of gifts and samples. Free chair massages are available along with a yummy survivors breakfast with a separate restroom area from the crowds. If you have ever participated in a running event, you know how huge that is! Side note: Every time we do an event, K2 and I end up running to the start line, in order to start running on time, usually because of ridiculous lines at the port a potties, and early morning jitters. I laugh every time.

On the other hand, the pink shirt is bittersweet, because you know that the reason you get one is because you have a yucky disease. When I was diagnosed, I was told that this was 98% survival rate. I thought that meant that you would get it once, treat it and 98% chance it was just gone. That's not exactly what that means. Once you have breast cancer, your chance of having it again goes way up. In my case, the treatment (chemo, radiation, hormone therapy) is to prevent the return of the disease. To me, that's the bittersweet part of wearing the pink shirt. Knowing that we've fought it, but that it still could come back.

These events are not just to honor breast cancer survivors, but to raise money to continue the research to find a cure for breast cancer, which will also help in finding a cure for all cancers. I did not actively fundraise this year, I just didn't have the emotional energy to get out and ask right now. I will do that in years to come. If you are interested in contributing financially to the fight against breast cancer I have 2 close friends who are training for the Susan G. Kommen 3-Day Walk. Brenda and Anna are part of a team who has a goal of raising $10,000 toward finding a cure for breast cancer. Anna is also a breast cancer survivor, from a family of women who have fought the disease. You can contribute here.

Their team is devoted to finding a cure, because we all have daughters. When a woman is diagnosed, her mother, sisters and daughters are also at a higher risk. Anna and Brenda's team is called Next Generation, and they are raising money so that our daughters may not have to face the battle that Anna & I, along with countless others have had to face. Our girls have grown up together in our church Life Group, Girl Scouts, school, VBS, family camping trips - you name it. They've been friends now through 2 of their moms' being diagnosed. That's 2 too many, and the risk to the next generation is still too high.