Did I mention I'm having a good week? Physically, I feel pretty good. My energy is 100% and while I am experiencing some soreness in my left armpit, arm and breast, I can do pretty much whatever I feel like. Good thing I feel like walking, knitting and running kids all over town. I can even do some things that I don't feel like such as housework, laundry and pulling weeds.
I have been walking 1 hour a day, which keeps my mood lifted. It's not the same high as running, but walking is an old, familiar friend. I have trained and walked 2 marathons and was a walker until May 2008, when I began training as a runner with my good friend K2. (you can go to my profile and go to my other blog "Runner Girl MB" to see my running fun) I spoke with my friend Bee last night and she relayed a conversation she had with a client in her workplace. The client works at the Cancer Center in the area where chemotherapy is done. It seems that people who continue with some form of exercise fare better during chemo by far. OK, that sounds good to me. It remains to be determined whether I will go through chemo or not, but if I do - it's good to know that my old friend walking will help me. (maybe not an hour every day though)
One of the most difficult things about this for me is that I was in the best shape of my life and at the lowest weight of my life at the time of diagnosis. I had lost 24 lbs over the past year and recently run two half-marathons. I've even been lifting weights in the free-weight room at the YMCA and it turns out I'm pretty strong. Slowing down during the 4 weeks since surgery has been tough.
One good thing that I am noticing is that I am living each day as it comes and living in the moment. Since I don't know exactly what the next several months will look like for me, I have not made a lot of commitments. I am not working from home as I was for the past few months and that frees up a little more time during the day. I have more freedom to choose exactly how I spend my time and I love that. I stop to take the time to have conversations with people, not just move through life at a breakneck speed. This is a change which might need to stick around.
April 30, 2009
April 29, 2009
How did I Get Cancer?
April 29, 2009
My cousin also had breast cancer in her mid-forties. (I am 47 yrs old) She told me a story of her Oncologist asking her how she thought she got the cancer. She gave him several ideas of things that may have caused it, including some negative circumstances in her life. His response was "Nope, some people just get breast cancer, you did not cause this" (OK, that's a total paraphrase but you get the idea).
If someone were to ask me how I thought I got cancer, how would I answer? OK, this I know. GOD DID NOT GIVE ME CANCER. Cancer cells are cells in the body which are not doing their job. They are duplicating very quickly and if left uncontrolled will likely take over. Your breast, your organs, your blood stream, your bones, your life. Fighting cancer is ridding your body of the existing cancer and taking measures to make sure that it does not come back, either in your breast or anywhere else in your body. At least that is how I understand it.
When I say "God gave me a pink tile for my mosaic", I do not mean He gave me cancer. Cancer is just a result of something going wrong in my body. The pink tile represents the whole cancer package. Early detection, fighting it, learning from it, growing in faith because of it, growing in relationships with those around me as I fight it. It's a pink tile with a silver lining. As I do these things, the dull, scratchy quality will become a more polished, shiny look with a smooth, soft feel and the silver lining will become more and more evident. The cancer just is. God is gracious and leads me step by step as I fight this. He gives me the faith to walk through this, the tools to fight this and the family and friends to love and support me as move through this.
My cousin also had breast cancer in her mid-forties. (I am 47 yrs old) She told me a story of her Oncologist asking her how she thought she got the cancer. She gave him several ideas of things that may have caused it, including some negative circumstances in her life. His response was "Nope, some people just get breast cancer, you did not cause this" (OK, that's a total paraphrase but you get the idea).
If someone were to ask me how I thought I got cancer, how would I answer? OK, this I know. GOD DID NOT GIVE ME CANCER. Cancer cells are cells in the body which are not doing their job. They are duplicating very quickly and if left uncontrolled will likely take over. Your breast, your organs, your blood stream, your bones, your life. Fighting cancer is ridding your body of the existing cancer and taking measures to make sure that it does not come back, either in your breast or anywhere else in your body. At least that is how I understand it.
When I say "God gave me a pink tile for my mosaic", I do not mean He gave me cancer. Cancer is just a result of something going wrong in my body. The pink tile represents the whole cancer package. Early detection, fighting it, learning from it, growing in faith because of it, growing in relationships with those around me as I fight it. It's a pink tile with a silver lining. As I do these things, the dull, scratchy quality will become a more polished, shiny look with a smooth, soft feel and the silver lining will become more and more evident. The cancer just is. God is gracious and leads me step by step as I fight this. He gives me the faith to walk through this, the tools to fight this and the family and friends to love and support me as move through this.
April 28, 2009
Recovery and Waiting
April 20, 2009
While I was waiting in the recovery area, Dr, Smith came to check in - he said he had removed all of the tumor and 3 lymph nodes (correction - I later found out that he removed 12 lymph nodes, which were in 3 clusters). The lymph nodes looked healthy to him, but he would have the pathology results in 7 - 10 days. However, he would be out of town at a conference so we would have to wait 2 weeks to get our results.
Recovery was not too bad, however I was surprised when I discovered that after a couple of days, my left arm was numb, from my incision site in the pit, down to the elbow. It was on the underside and the backside of the arm. About 4-5 days after surgery, the nerves began to awaken and the numbness turned to pain. I had not anticipated this but did some research and found that this was normal, and caused by the nerve damage during lymph node removal.
This was not going to be as easy as I thought.
My Mom and her husband, Tony, came to stay in their cottage which is next to our house, to help with recovery. I was amazed by the outpouring of support I received - we had friends and neighbors delivering meals for a week, flowers, gifts and lots of chocolate. I truly felt like Mrs. Aquafest that week!
On Monday, April 20, 2009, Dan & I went to see Dr. Smith to learn the pathology results of the tumor and lymph nodes. The lymph nodes were all three negative, so there was no node involvement - this is great news! However, the tumor was about twice the size they originally estimated - so over 2 cm, instead of 1. This is significant, in that under 2 cm it is Stage I, but now I was in Stage IIA. A surgeon considers the procedure successful when he removes the tumor with a mimum of 1 mm of healthy tissue all the way around. This is called "clean margins". The Path report did not show clean margins all the way around, so I will be having another surgery on May 5, to remove some more tissue in the area where the tumor was removed. Additionally, since the tumor is now over 2 cm, when we meet with the Oncologist, chemotherapy will now be part of the discussion.
While I was waiting in the recovery area, Dr, Smith came to check in - he said he had removed all of the tumor and 3 lymph nodes (correction - I later found out that he removed 12 lymph nodes, which were in 3 clusters). The lymph nodes looked healthy to him, but he would have the pathology results in 7 - 10 days. However, he would be out of town at a conference so we would have to wait 2 weeks to get our results.
Recovery was not too bad, however I was surprised when I discovered that after a couple of days, my left arm was numb, from my incision site in the pit, down to the elbow. It was on the underside and the backside of the arm. About 4-5 days after surgery, the nerves began to awaken and the numbness turned to pain. I had not anticipated this but did some research and found that this was normal, and caused by the nerve damage during lymph node removal.
This was not going to be as easy as I thought.
My Mom and her husband, Tony, came to stay in their cottage which is next to our house, to help with recovery. I was amazed by the outpouring of support I received - we had friends and neighbors delivering meals for a week, flowers, gifts and lots of chocolate. I truly felt like Mrs. Aquafest that week!
On Monday, April 20, 2009, Dan & I went to see Dr. Smith to learn the pathology results of the tumor and lymph nodes. The lymph nodes were all three negative, so there was no node involvement - this is great news! However, the tumor was about twice the size they originally estimated - so over 2 cm, instead of 1. This is significant, in that under 2 cm it is Stage I, but now I was in Stage IIA. A surgeon considers the procedure successful when he removes the tumor with a mimum of 1 mm of healthy tissue all the way around. This is called "clean margins". The Path report did not show clean margins all the way around, so I will be having another surgery on May 5, to remove some more tissue in the area where the tumor was removed. Additionally, since the tumor is now over 2 cm, when we meet with the Oncologist, chemotherapy will now be part of the discussion.
April 27, 2009
Mrs. Aquafest
April 7, 2009
The morning of my surgery, I had the craziest dream. I dreamed that I was crowned Mrs. Aquafest at our town festival. John Travolta (not the Disco version, but the Hairspray version) was the headline performer. In my dream, he knew my friend H. who is also a breast cancer survivor. When he said Hi to her from the stage, I stood up and yelled "I know H., too!" Oddly, this has not been the only celebrity dream during my treatment so far. I am pretty sure it all has to do with my feeling somewhat like the center of attention right now.
The day of surgery, there are 3 procedures scheduled. The fist is a Sentinel Lymph Node Injection. This is an injection of a radioactive solution into the breast which follows the path of the tumor's drainage. It shows the surgeon which lymph nodes this particular area of the breast drains through, so that he can biopsy and determine whether there is any node involvement (spread) of the cancer. The radiologist takes images of the drain path, and makes X marks on my breast where the lymph nodes are located. The surgeon also has a hand-held device which detects the radioactive areas.
The second procedure is a Needle Wire Localization. A wire thin needle is inserted into the breast and the tip is circled around the tumor site, to show the surgeon the exact location of the tumor. After this procedure, they put a protective covering over the needle, I don a hospital gown on the top, cover myself in a blanket and they wheel me in a wheel chair to the car. Dan has to drive me to a third location for the surgery. Not exactly the parade float I might have hoped for as Mrs. Aquafest!
The surgery was a breeze after all that - I sure was looking forward to going to sleep. Of course, an instant later I was in recovery and it was all over for that day. He had removed 3 lymph nodes and about a 5 cm area in my breast. I had 2 incisions, each 3 - 4 inches. One under my arm, and one on the lower portion of my breast. Both areas were completely numb and covered with bandages.
The morning of my surgery, I had the craziest dream. I dreamed that I was crowned Mrs. Aquafest at our town festival. John Travolta (not the Disco version, but the Hairspray version) was the headline performer. In my dream, he knew my friend H. who is also a breast cancer survivor. When he said Hi to her from the stage, I stood up and yelled "I know H., too!" Oddly, this has not been the only celebrity dream during my treatment so far. I am pretty sure it all has to do with my feeling somewhat like the center of attention right now.
The day of surgery, there are 3 procedures scheduled. The fist is a Sentinel Lymph Node Injection. This is an injection of a radioactive solution into the breast which follows the path of the tumor's drainage. It shows the surgeon which lymph nodes this particular area of the breast drains through, so that he can biopsy and determine whether there is any node involvement (spread) of the cancer. The radiologist takes images of the drain path, and makes X marks on my breast where the lymph nodes are located. The surgeon also has a hand-held device which detects the radioactive areas.
The second procedure is a Needle Wire Localization. A wire thin needle is inserted into the breast and the tip is circled around the tumor site, to show the surgeon the exact location of the tumor. After this procedure, they put a protective covering over the needle, I don a hospital gown on the top, cover myself in a blanket and they wheel me in a wheel chair to the car. Dan has to drive me to a third location for the surgery. Not exactly the parade float I might have hoped for as Mrs. Aquafest!
The surgery was a breeze after all that - I sure was looking forward to going to sleep. Of course, an instant later I was in recovery and it was all over for that day. He had removed 3 lymph nodes and about a 5 cm area in my breast. I had 2 incisions, each 3 - 4 inches. One under my arm, and one on the lower portion of my breast. Both areas were completely numb and covered with bandages.
"One Brown Shoe and One Black Shoe" or "Not my Lucky Shoes"
March 11, 2009
I went to the Providence Comprehensive Breast center for a Stereotactic Core biopsy on Monday, March 9, 2009. In this procedure, samples of the area surrounding the calcifications are taken through a hollow needle. The radiologist took 6 total samples to be sent to a Pathologist to be tested for cancer. This was the first time that I saw the images of my breast. There it was, 10 - 12 tiny white spots in a tight cluster. It did not look good to me. I think that it was in that image that I knew what the diagnosis would be.
Two days later, Dan and I returned to the Breast Center to learn of the results. We were there on time but had to wait 15 minutes for our appointment. I had already read the magazines in the waiting room, remember this is now my third visit to that office, my first having been to the Everett Clinic in Marysville. I was just waiting anxiously, trying not to eavesdrop on the conversations of others, when I noticed that I had put on two different colored clogs that morning. Dan & I had shared a good giggle over that, which is nice to do when you're waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer. The Lord has been gracious in giving me many comical moments throughout this process. I always enjoy a good laugh, and if it is at my own expense then so much the better. Sadly, the laughter would be quieted for that day, as this was not going to be my lucky pair of shoes.....we received the news - Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma.
Stage I is where they started with my tumor, they estimated it was about 1 cm in size, and assumed no lymph node involvement. The cancer cells are positive for Estrogen and Progesterone receptors. This means that my type of cancer feeds off of the estrogen and progesterone my body produces. It did not escape me that I have also been on birth control pills for 10 years, essentially adding even more estrogen into my system. The good news is, that there is a drug which has been around for a long time, which blocks the cells from absorbing any of the estrogen or progesterone, thus inhibiting the growth of any future cancers. The drug is called Tamoxifen, and it comes with the lovely side effect of hot flashes.
I also had an MRI of my breasts, which is useful in looking for cancers in a different way. the MRI shows cells that are more vascular, which is a sign of cancer. The MRI showed my tumor, but did not show any vascularity in my lymph nodes - wahoo!
My treatment was going to be a lumpectomy followed by radiation and a five year course of Tamoxifen, assuming that all was as it appeared. This was the most common type of breast cancer, caught early, 98% survival rate. Of course, things can change once they get a better look, and they did change after my surgery.
I went to the Providence Comprehensive Breast center for a Stereotactic Core biopsy on Monday, March 9, 2009. In this procedure, samples of the area surrounding the calcifications are taken through a hollow needle. The radiologist took 6 total samples to be sent to a Pathologist to be tested for cancer. This was the first time that I saw the images of my breast. There it was, 10 - 12 tiny white spots in a tight cluster. It did not look good to me. I think that it was in that image that I knew what the diagnosis would be.
Two days later, Dan and I returned to the Breast Center to learn of the results. We were there on time but had to wait 15 minutes for our appointment. I had already read the magazines in the waiting room, remember this is now my third visit to that office, my first having been to the Everett Clinic in Marysville. I was just waiting anxiously, trying not to eavesdrop on the conversations of others, when I noticed that I had put on two different colored clogs that morning. Dan & I had shared a good giggle over that, which is nice to do when you're waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer. The Lord has been gracious in giving me many comical moments throughout this process. I always enjoy a good laugh, and if it is at my own expense then so much the better. Sadly, the laughter would be quieted for that day, as this was not going to be my lucky pair of shoes.....we received the news - Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma.
Stage I is where they started with my tumor, they estimated it was about 1 cm in size, and assumed no lymph node involvement. The cancer cells are positive for Estrogen and Progesterone receptors. This means that my type of cancer feeds off of the estrogen and progesterone my body produces. It did not escape me that I have also been on birth control pills for 10 years, essentially adding even more estrogen into my system. The good news is, that there is a drug which has been around for a long time, which blocks the cells from absorbing any of the estrogen or progesterone, thus inhibiting the growth of any future cancers. The drug is called Tamoxifen, and it comes with the lovely side effect of hot flashes.
I also had an MRI of my breasts, which is useful in looking for cancers in a different way. the MRI shows cells that are more vascular, which is a sign of cancer. The MRI showed my tumor, but did not show any vascularity in my lymph nodes - wahoo!
My treatment was going to be a lumpectomy followed by radiation and a five year course of Tamoxifen, assuming that all was as it appeared. This was the most common type of breast cancer, caught early, 98% survival rate. Of course, things can change once they get a better look, and they did change after my surgery.
Glitter Lotion
January/February 2009
My tiles have always been glorious. They fit in just so creating a flowing picture of God’s gentle leading in my life. Loving husband, bright and beautiful children, friends whom I love and who love me back. But this one is different. It’s not the right shape, and the colors don’t match. It is breast cancer.
I am a 7 year veteran of mammograms, scheduling them like clockwork and arriving on time. I hold perfectly still and don’t breath. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe. This year, I was 4 months late in scheduling. Seems the first reminder letter got lost in the mail. The second reminder card came, scolding me for “ignoring” the first card. Oh, no, not me. I never got the card. You see, if I had, I would have scheduled the appointment right away. I am a Good Patient. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe.
I arrived at the clinic on time, January 30, 2009. Except I used glitter lotion that day. Glitter lotion on the day of a mammogram? What was I thinking? The technician had me wipe it off, and re-took the films. Much better, thank you. When my nurse practioner, Laura, called me back and said “they want to see you again, there are calcifications in your left breast, it doesn’t look too worrisome to me.”, I thought….it was the glitter lotion. It had to be the glitter lotion, it left some smutz on the glass which showed up on the films. I’ll schedule it and we’ll just clear that right up.
The appointment was scheduled for February 24, 2009. Three weeks later. If it was breast cancer, surely they would not wait 3 weeks to take another look. I was reassured. When the appointed day came, I got ready to go. No lotion, no deodorant, don’t breath. She took the films, we chatted about who knows what. After the films, while still in my gown that opened in the front, she took me to a waiting room with coffee and magazines, where another woman sat and waited in her gown that opened in the front. In just a few minutes, the technician came in and told her “everything looks good, we’ll see you again in 1 year.” Then I was alone and waiting….waiting…waiting….how long should it take to look and see that the smutz is gone? Soon the Radiologist came in and sat down.
Honestly, I can’t remember exactly what she said. Blah blah blah, calcifications can have many causes, and do not usually indicate breast cancer. There, she said it “breast cancer”. However, since mine had just shown up since the last mammogram, it indicated some kind of change and they needed to get a better idea. “Our recommendation is a biopsy”. Only 20% of these are early breast cancers..most likely they’ll just want to watch and take another mammogram in a few months.
I met with the medical assistant that day, she explained the procedure and gave me a yellow paper with all of the instructions. We made an appointment, with another one 2 days later for the results. Most likely, they’ll just want to watch and have you come back for a mammogram in 6 months. Heard that before. Yes, you would want to bring someone with you for that one, she explained. Two sets of ears.
My tiles have always been glorious. They fit in just so creating a flowing picture of God’s gentle leading in my life. Loving husband, bright and beautiful children, friends whom I love and who love me back. But this one is different. It’s not the right shape, and the colors don’t match. It is breast cancer.
I am a 7 year veteran of mammograms, scheduling them like clockwork and arriving on time. I hold perfectly still and don’t breath. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe. This year, I was 4 months late in scheduling. Seems the first reminder letter got lost in the mail. The second reminder card came, scolding me for “ignoring” the first card. Oh, no, not me. I never got the card. You see, if I had, I would have scheduled the appointment right away. I am a Good Patient. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe.
I arrived at the clinic on time, January 30, 2009. Except I used glitter lotion that day. Glitter lotion on the day of a mammogram? What was I thinking? The technician had me wipe it off, and re-took the films. Much better, thank you. When my nurse practioner, Laura, called me back and said “they want to see you again, there are calcifications in your left breast, it doesn’t look too worrisome to me.”, I thought….it was the glitter lotion. It had to be the glitter lotion, it left some smutz on the glass which showed up on the films. I’ll schedule it and we’ll just clear that right up.
The appointment was scheduled for February 24, 2009. Three weeks later. If it was breast cancer, surely they would not wait 3 weeks to take another look. I was reassured. When the appointed day came, I got ready to go. No lotion, no deodorant, don’t breath. She took the films, we chatted about who knows what. After the films, while still in my gown that opened in the front, she took me to a waiting room with coffee and magazines, where another woman sat and waited in her gown that opened in the front. In just a few minutes, the technician came in and told her “everything looks good, we’ll see you again in 1 year.” Then I was alone and waiting….waiting…waiting….how long should it take to look and see that the smutz is gone? Soon the Radiologist came in and sat down.
Honestly, I can’t remember exactly what she said. Blah blah blah, calcifications can have many causes, and do not usually indicate breast cancer. There, she said it “breast cancer”. However, since mine had just shown up since the last mammogram, it indicated some kind of change and they needed to get a better idea. “Our recommendation is a biopsy”. Only 20% of these are early breast cancers..most likely they’ll just want to watch and take another mammogram in a few months.
I met with the medical assistant that day, she explained the procedure and gave me a yellow paper with all of the instructions. We made an appointment, with another one 2 days later for the results. Most likely, they’ll just want to watch and have you come back for a mammogram in 6 months. Heard that before. Yes, you would want to bring someone with you for that one, she explained. Two sets of ears.
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