How Can It Be...

That 6 months have gone by since I last blogged? So much has happened, and yet nothing has happened. I completed radiation treatment on August 24, 2009. I am still feeling the effects of the surgeries and radiation, but I only notice it when I am at the gym. Everyday life is fluid, but when I stretch or lift weights I notice tightness and pulling in places where it is not expected. During those moments, I take the time to grieve. My radiation oncologist told me that this common. As cancer patients, we go through treatment very functionally, doing what we need to do in order to beat this disease and move on. In order to live. When it comes time to move on is when we begin to grieve. So I give in to the moment, allowing myself to feel just a little bit sad, and to acknowledge the twinges and the aches as I move through my workout. I know that just as the exercise will make me stronger and restore me to wholeness, allowing myself to feel just a bit sorry for myself will allow me the same growth emotionally. I just feel a bit sad for awhile that I am not able to do things quite as easily as before, yet I am still so thankful for early detection and great doctors.

I have registered to run in the Seattle Rock n Roll Half Marathon in June, so my workouts are leading into training for that event. Right now I am focused on rebuilding my cardiovascular stamina, doing 3 slow easy runs each week, and 1 harder run which will be hills and/or speedwork. As the training period approaches I will increase those runs but for now it just feels good to be rebuilding.

I am also doing more knitting these days - I had to put down my needles last spring when my carpal tunnel syndrome pain became too much. In hindsight I do remember that each time I have had surgery, the pain has become much more intense - is there an inflammatory response in the healing process that is also causing inflammation in my wrists? That is my current theory. At any rate, I did choose to have surgery in both hands last fall and consider the procedures a great success! I no longer experience pain or numbness in my hands. 6 months ago my pain was terrible, waking me up every night and making it hard to do simple things in the morning until about noon or so. I am so thankful for the healing power of God through the hands of a skilled surgeon.