I don't know about you, but as summer stretches on, I find it nice to have a routine. Even if it's going in for cancer treatment, I get up every day, Monday - Friday, and have to be somewhere. I get dressed, put on make up (not ALL of my make-up, just enough to look alive) and drive to the Cancer Partnership for my daily appointment. Then I walk in the door. I remember why I am there. Ick.
Most days I keep my sense of humor and think some thoughts which seem riotously funny to me. I ususally keep those thoughts to myself as I do not know where others are at emotionally. On Friday I just had to let it out. I had been reading a brochure in the waiting room and learned that the machine used to shoot radiation at me is called a Linac machine, short for "linear accellerator". I informed the technican (Adam) that I had been calling it "Ray" all along. He agreed that that was brilliant, but that he had been calling it "Sizzler". The second technician said "Why not just call it The Red Lobster", but I thought perhaps "Daniel's Broiler" would be classier. Hmm...Good Times.
July 18, 2009
July 6, 2009
Visiting Ray D. Ashun
Sorry I have not been blogging much for the past couple of weeks. The process for setting up radiation takes a couple of weeks, so I took advantage of the wait time to take a vacation from breast cancer. I didn't visit any other blogs, didn't read any memoirs and didn't do any research. As a consequence, there was not much to tell regarding the whole breast cancer situation. Add to that the fact that my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is way out of control and causing pain in my hands during the night and stretching until mid-day. I just haven't felt like typing in the morning, and if my day gets going I am not likely to sit down and write.
If you're part of my prayer team I would appreciate prayers that this carpal tunnel pain would go away. I am not doing much with my hands these days, so my theory is that going off the pill has messed with my hormones. The hormonal fluctation is causing water retention which is settling in my hands and causing pressure in the tissues surrounding the nerve running through my carpal tunnel. This also happened after the birth of both children which is what makes me believe this theory. I'm trying to drink a lot of water, running 3-4 days a week and trying not to eat salty or sugary things...(I said TRYING) but it's not working so well. Argh.
As far as Ray D. Ashun (Radiation) goes, so far it's a breeze. I drive to the Providence Cancer Partnership each day for my 10:36am appointment. Sadly, Ray is very popular so the schedule is exact. Happily, my total treatment time takes about 6 minutes, with a total of radiation time of like 48 seconds or so. I don't feel anything during the treatment, i just hear a little buzzing noise that tells me the beams are going. I pray and try to help the beams find any rapidly dividing cells and zap them dead. I also pray that my skin will stay healthy and not show any burns or distress.
I will see the Radiation Oncologist once a week on Wednesdays - he (or she, depending on who is seeing patients that day) will monitor me to make sure that I am tolerating the treatments well. I will have a total of 28 treatments to my whole breast, followed by 9 boosts to the exact location where the tumor was removed. I go in every day, Monday - Friday until we get through all 37 of the treatments. As of today I have completed 4 treatments. Hey, I'm 10% to my goal! I may start seeing some side effects after 10 treatments or so. These side effects might include changes to my skin (ranging from slight sunburn look to full on burns) and some fatigue. Well, the hormonal changes and the carpal tunnel already keep me up at night so I'm not sure if I would recognize fatigue. I am thinking that the fatigue will just help me sleep better...we shall see.
If you're part of my prayer team I would appreciate prayers that this carpal tunnel pain would go away. I am not doing much with my hands these days, so my theory is that going off the pill has messed with my hormones. The hormonal fluctation is causing water retention which is settling in my hands and causing pressure in the tissues surrounding the nerve running through my carpal tunnel. This also happened after the birth of both children which is what makes me believe this theory. I'm trying to drink a lot of water, running 3-4 days a week and trying not to eat salty or sugary things...(I said TRYING) but it's not working so well. Argh.
As far as Ray D. Ashun (Radiation) goes, so far it's a breeze. I drive to the Providence Cancer Partnership each day for my 10:36am appointment. Sadly, Ray is very popular so the schedule is exact. Happily, my total treatment time takes about 6 minutes, with a total of radiation time of like 48 seconds or so. I don't feel anything during the treatment, i just hear a little buzzing noise that tells me the beams are going. I pray and try to help the beams find any rapidly dividing cells and zap them dead. I also pray that my skin will stay healthy and not show any burns or distress.
I will see the Radiation Oncologist once a week on Wednesdays - he (or she, depending on who is seeing patients that day) will monitor me to make sure that I am tolerating the treatments well. I will have a total of 28 treatments to my whole breast, followed by 9 boosts to the exact location where the tumor was removed. I go in every day, Monday - Friday until we get through all 37 of the treatments. As of today I have completed 4 treatments. Hey, I'm 10% to my goal! I may start seeing some side effects after 10 treatments or so. These side effects might include changes to my skin (ranging from slight sunburn look to full on burns) and some fatigue. Well, the hormonal changes and the carpal tunnel already keep me up at night so I'm not sure if I would recognize fatigue. I am thinking that the fatigue will just help me sleep better...we shall see.
July 3, 2009
Locks of Love
June 19, 2009
Today Audrey had her hair cut and donated the pony tails to Locks of Love. She had been growing her hair during the past school year and had planned to do this long before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am so proud of her!
June 17, 2009
No Mutation Detected
"If you picture Time as a straight line along which we have to travel, then you must picture God as the whole page on which the line is drawn."
C.S. Lewis
I read this quote this morning in our church's newsletter - "Perspectives". It just hit me, I had to stop and think and reflect for a few minutes. For me, breast cancer is a just a blip on the straight line of time that I am traveling.
About 3 weeks ago I went to the Comprehensive Breast Center to meet with the Nurse Practicioner who handles genetic testing at the clinic. She is a lovely woman, we both have a 10-year old daughter and I enjoyed her company during my appointment. I was there to learn about a test called BRACAnalysis. BRACAnalysis is a genetic test where the BRACA1 and BRACA2 genes are identified and tested to see if either gene contains a mutation which would predispose a person to breast and ovarian cancer. The test is done on blood drawn from the patient. As you may have guessed from the title of this entry - My genes show no mutation, I am not a carrier of the breast cancer gene.
Of all of the tests that I have been through, the outcome on this one had the potential to be the most devastating. A positive result would have meant that every single breast cell and ovarian cell in my body was predisposed to become a cancer cell at some point. This would have put my statistical risk of a second breast cancer at 48% - 64%. Yikes. Additionally, it would have put my sister, daughter and granddaughters at an elevated risk. Double Yikes. Thank you, Lord!
There are 2 Nurse Practicioners at the Comprehensive Breast Center who have the lovely job of delivering 90% of all breast cancer diagnoses in our area. Both women are compassionate and caring and do their jobs well. Part of their job is to make an early determination whether a person is at risk for carrying the breast cancer gene. I was determined to be at risk since I have a cousin who also had breast cancer in her mid-forties. So that means it could be traveling through my Mother's side of the family. That was not likely, but qualified me to bill the insurance for the test. The real risk was thought to be on my Dad's side. My Dad is a generation of brothers and his dad is a generation of brothers. Before that, my Grandpa lived in Greece so we do not know the history. Taking the blood test and getting the information out there for the rest of the family seemed worth the time it takes to give a little bit of blood.
Isn't it amazing the amount of information we can learn through modern medicine. I am thankful to be living in a time where there is so much hope when diagnosed with a potentially deadly disease. That's for sure.
June 9, 2009
TODAY can be my day
Yesterday, my Oncologist called to let me know that he had received the results of the Oncotype DX test. This is a Breast Cancer Assay, where they look at the individual genes within the tumor removed from my breast and determine how each gene (21 of them for this test) is expressed. Basically, it tells how likely my individual cancer tumor cells are to spread or grow. According to this test, the type of cells that make up the tumor removed from my breast are at a low risk of recurrance. LOW RISK OF RECURRANCE. I just had to say that again.
With a combination of surgery, radiation and hormone blocking drugs for the next 5 years (maybe more - studies are in the works), there is about a 10% chance that I would get cancer again within the next 10 years. That means that there is a 90% chance that I will remain cancer-free for at least the next 10 years. Whoo Hoo! Notice anything missing there? Chemotherapy. The Onco Doc will not be recommending chemo at this time. Statistically, adding chemo to the treatment would only reduce my chance of recurrance by 1-2%. At an already low rate of 10%, the risks and side effects outweigh the benefits in my personal opinion (and the doc agrees). And it is my personal body we are talking about here.
Thank you all for praying for God's peace. Honestly, I was surprised by the test results and I suspect that my doctor was as well. I was all ready to go through chemo. I shopped for wigs, tried different ways of wearing hats and scarves. I had the prescriptions for anti-nausea meds and pre-treatment steroids in hand. I had even gone so far as to call the Cancer Center to schedule my first treatment. That day was supposed to be today - June 9, 2009. But the Lord knew otherwise. He put a doubt in my mind that as long as there was more information about my situation available, I was not to be at peace with the decision. I had met with 2 different doctors, neither one of them had mentioned this test. It's a newer test and not yet widely used. I learned about it through friends on a breast cancer survivors' message board. Yep, I read it on the Internet. I researched it and found that I met all of the criteria. When I asked the new Doc about the test, he had used it in other cases and was very willing to order it for mine. He said that he had made his recommendation for chemo as the "standard of care" in my situation, but that if I was having trouble deciding, this would give me one more piece of information to look at. Had I not asked, this important information would not be available and I would be sitting in a chemo chair this very day, June 9th, rather than my office chair.
To me, this shows that the Lord is our ultimate healer. He speaks to us daily through the world around us, giving us wise doctors and access to information. It is up to us to listen to His still small voice and to follow His daily leading. Thank You Jesus.
With a combination of surgery, radiation and hormone blocking drugs for the next 5 years (maybe more - studies are in the works), there is about a 10% chance that I would get cancer again within the next 10 years. That means that there is a 90% chance that I will remain cancer-free for at least the next 10 years. Whoo Hoo! Notice anything missing there? Chemotherapy. The Onco Doc will not be recommending chemo at this time. Statistically, adding chemo to the treatment would only reduce my chance of recurrance by 1-2%. At an already low rate of 10%, the risks and side effects outweigh the benefits in my personal opinion (and the doc agrees). And it is my personal body we are talking about here.
Thank you all for praying for God's peace. Honestly, I was surprised by the test results and I suspect that my doctor was as well. I was all ready to go through chemo. I shopped for wigs, tried different ways of wearing hats and scarves. I had the prescriptions for anti-nausea meds and pre-treatment steroids in hand. I had even gone so far as to call the Cancer Center to schedule my first treatment. That day was supposed to be today - June 9, 2009. But the Lord knew otherwise. He put a doubt in my mind that as long as there was more information about my situation available, I was not to be at peace with the decision. I had met with 2 different doctors, neither one of them had mentioned this test. It's a newer test and not yet widely used. I learned about it through friends on a breast cancer survivors' message board. Yep, I read it on the Internet. I researched it and found that I met all of the criteria. When I asked the new Doc about the test, he had used it in other cases and was very willing to order it for mine. He said that he had made his recommendation for chemo as the "standard of care" in my situation, but that if I was having trouble deciding, this would give me one more piece of information to look at. Had I not asked, this important information would not be available and I would be sitting in a chemo chair this very day, June 9th, rather than my office chair.
To me, this shows that the Lord is our ultimate healer. He speaks to us daily through the world around us, giving us wise doctors and access to information. It is up to us to listen to His still small voice and to follow His daily leading. Thank You Jesus.
June 8, 2009
Race for the Cure
Sunday was the Susan G. Kommen Race for the Cure. I love doing running events and thought that this would be a great way to mark the beginning of treatment. I've been running with K2 (neighbor/friend) for the past year, and both of us have been benched this spring - she with an injury, and me due to the surgeries. We were both ready to get running again and took the past few weeks to ease into running the 5K last Sunday. We completed in 37 minutes with several walk breaks, but it was good to get out and run with a crowd again.
I was surprised at how few survivors were part of the running section. Maybe it was too early in the morning, or maybe it was because cancer is usually a disease of age, and most people in their 60's don't run anymore. Most of the ladies in pink (the survivors wore a special pink shirt, while the others wore white) participated in the walk event. It took about 30 minutes to get all of the walkers on the course - there were so many. The amazing thing to me was how many white shirts there were. Men, women and children who raised money to help fight breast cancer, and to gather at such a large event to show support of others fighting the fight.
I am having a hard time describing the emotions of walking around in the pink shirt. One the one hand you are immediately identifiable and treated like royalty. The sponsors give lots of gifts and samples. Free chair massages are available along with a yummy survivors breakfast with a separate restroom area from the crowds. If you have ever participated in a running event, you know how huge that is! Side note: Every time we do an event, K2 and I end up running to the start line, in order to start running on time, usually because of ridiculous lines at the port a potties, and early morning jitters. I laugh every time.
On the other hand, the pink shirt is bittersweet, because you know that the reason you get one is because you have a yucky disease. When I was diagnosed, I was told that this was 98% survival rate. I thought that meant that you would get it once, treat it and 98% chance it was just gone. That's not exactly what that means. Once you have breast cancer, your chance of having it again goes way up. In my case, the treatment (chemo, radiation, hormone therapy) is to prevent the return of the disease. To me, that's the bittersweet part of wearing the pink shirt. Knowing that we've fought it, but that it still could come back.
These events are not just to honor breast cancer survivors, but to raise money to continue the research to find a cure for breast cancer, which will also help in finding a cure for all cancers. I did not actively fundraise this year, I just didn't have the emotional energy to get out and ask right now. I will do that in years to come. If you are interested in contributing financially to the fight against breast cancer I have 2 close friends who are training for the Susan G. Kommen 3-Day Walk. Brenda and Anna are part of a team who has a goal of raising $10,000 toward finding a cure for breast cancer. Anna is also a breast cancer survivor, from a family of women who have fought the disease. You can contribute here.
Their team is devoted to finding a cure, because we all have daughters. When a woman is diagnosed, her mother, sisters and daughters are also at a higher risk. Anna and Brenda's team is called Next Generation, and they are raising money so that our daughters may not have to face the battle that Anna & I, along with countless others have had to face. Our girls have grown up together in our church Life Group, Girl Scouts, school, VBS, family camping trips - you name it. They've been friends now through 2 of their moms' being diagnosed. That's 2 too many, and the risk to the next generation is still too high.
I was surprised at how few survivors were part of the running section. Maybe it was too early in the morning, or maybe it was because cancer is usually a disease of age, and most people in their 60's don't run anymore. Most of the ladies in pink (the survivors wore a special pink shirt, while the others wore white) participated in the walk event. It took about 30 minutes to get all of the walkers on the course - there were so many. The amazing thing to me was how many white shirts there were. Men, women and children who raised money to help fight breast cancer, and to gather at such a large event to show support of others fighting the fight.
I am having a hard time describing the emotions of walking around in the pink shirt. One the one hand you are immediately identifiable and treated like royalty. The sponsors give lots of gifts and samples. Free chair massages are available along with a yummy survivors breakfast with a separate restroom area from the crowds. If you have ever participated in a running event, you know how huge that is! Side note: Every time we do an event, K2 and I end up running to the start line, in order to start running on time, usually because of ridiculous lines at the port a potties, and early morning jitters. I laugh every time.
On the other hand, the pink shirt is bittersweet, because you know that the reason you get one is because you have a yucky disease. When I was diagnosed, I was told that this was 98% survival rate. I thought that meant that you would get it once, treat it and 98% chance it was just gone. That's not exactly what that means. Once you have breast cancer, your chance of having it again goes way up. In my case, the treatment (chemo, radiation, hormone therapy) is to prevent the return of the disease. To me, that's the bittersweet part of wearing the pink shirt. Knowing that we've fought it, but that it still could come back.
These events are not just to honor breast cancer survivors, but to raise money to continue the research to find a cure for breast cancer, which will also help in finding a cure for all cancers. I did not actively fundraise this year, I just didn't have the emotional energy to get out and ask right now. I will do that in years to come. If you are interested in contributing financially to the fight against breast cancer I have 2 close friends who are training for the Susan G. Kommen 3-Day Walk. Brenda and Anna are part of a team who has a goal of raising $10,000 toward finding a cure for breast cancer. Anna is also a breast cancer survivor, from a family of women who have fought the disease. You can contribute here.
Their team is devoted to finding a cure, because we all have daughters. When a woman is diagnosed, her mother, sisters and daughters are also at a higher risk. Anna and Brenda's team is called Next Generation, and they are raising money so that our daughters may not have to face the battle that Anna & I, along with countless others have had to face. Our girls have grown up together in our church Life Group, Girl Scouts, school, VBS, family camping trips - you name it. They've been friends now through 2 of their moms' being diagnosed. That's 2 too many, and the risk to the next generation is still too high.
June 1, 2009
Praying for God's Peace
Why is waiting so hard? I received a call from Genome - the company that runs the Oncotype DX test which confirmed that the test is covered by my insurance. That is good news, as the cost is around $4,000. However, that also means that they have not begun the testing yet, I was actually hoping for results by now. The gal indicated that it would be 10-14 days. That's like years on the breast cancer stress clock!
I am struggling with the wait and asking you all to pray for me. I am praying first of all for God's peace to surround me as I wait. Also for His peace when I get the test results and make the final decision whether or not to undergo chemotherapy or skip right to radiation. I would like the decision to be very clear. I am also trying not to surf the net to read other people's breast cancer treatment stories for now. There is just too much out there, and too many opinions. I have enough hard cold facts and need to lean into the presence of the Lord right now. Well, always really, but there is a place for hard cold facts as well...
I am struggling with the wait and asking you all to pray for me. I am praying first of all for God's peace to surround me as I wait. Also for His peace when I get the test results and make the final decision whether or not to undergo chemotherapy or skip right to radiation. I would like the decision to be very clear. I am also trying not to surf the net to read other people's breast cancer treatment stories for now. There is just too much out there, and too many opinions. I have enough hard cold facts and need to lean into the presence of the Lord right now. Well, always really, but there is a place for hard cold facts as well...
May 27, 2009
Oncotype DX
Dan & I decided it would be a good move to get one more opinion on chemotherapy. It's not about losing my hair, or being down for a few months. I just think that chemo is a lot to put my body through if the benefit is going to be marginal. Also, we both had questions when we left the first doctor's office and when we talked about it together, we still had different answers. We thought that perhaps we were not with the right doctor. They are very willing to have us meet with more than one doctor to make our decisions so I went with the Dr. Walker who's been treating my friend H.
Dr. Walker did a thorough job explaining chemo and why it is appropriate for me. He recommended the same drugs as the other doc, but thought that 4 rounds would be appropriate, and that there is not enough evidence to support doing the 2 additional rounds previously recommended. That sits well with me, as I understand that the side effects worsen with each round and 6 might get icky. The 2 additional would also keep me on chemo into the beginning of next school year and I'd rather be on the mend by the time I have to get my kids organized and on their way.
There is one more test that will help to decide whether the type of cancer cells that made up my tumor are likely to stay put or to travel. If they are likely to stay put, this minimizes any benefit from chemo. It is called Oncotype DX. I asked the new Dr. about this one, and he told me that the standard of care in my situation was to do chemo but if I'm having a hard time making that decision, this one might help me to be sure one way or the other. Oncotype DX is a genomic test which results in scoring the tumor with a likeihood of recurrence. It's one more way to decide if the risks of chemo outweigh the benefits in reducing the chance of the cancer returning. We are going to do the test and should have the results by Friday or Monday. I will go ahead with chemo if the test shows anything other than a very low (<18) score. If it's higher, it will just be a confirmation.
In the meantime, Dan & I are going ahead with our Chemo Education and Financial Planning Consultations this afternoon. We'll have all our ducks in a row to move ahead with either chemo or just jump ahead to radiation once we know the results of the Oncotype test.
Dr. Walker did a thorough job explaining chemo and why it is appropriate for me. He recommended the same drugs as the other doc, but thought that 4 rounds would be appropriate, and that there is not enough evidence to support doing the 2 additional rounds previously recommended. That sits well with me, as I understand that the side effects worsen with each round and 6 might get icky. The 2 additional would also keep me on chemo into the beginning of next school year and I'd rather be on the mend by the time I have to get my kids organized and on their way.
There is one more test that will help to decide whether the type of cancer cells that made up my tumor are likely to stay put or to travel. If they are likely to stay put, this minimizes any benefit from chemo. It is called Oncotype DX. I asked the new Dr. about this one, and he told me that the standard of care in my situation was to do chemo but if I'm having a hard time making that decision, this one might help me to be sure one way or the other. Oncotype DX is a genomic test which results in scoring the tumor with a likeihood of recurrence. It's one more way to decide if the risks of chemo outweigh the benefits in reducing the chance of the cancer returning. We are going to do the test and should have the results by Friday or Monday. I will go ahead with chemo if the test shows anything other than a very low (<18) score. If it's higher, it will just be a confirmation.
In the meantime, Dan & I are going ahead with our Chemo Education and Financial Planning Consultations this afternoon. We'll have all our ducks in a row to move ahead with either chemo or just jump ahead to radiation once we know the results of the Oncotype test.
May 26, 2009
Breast Cancer Stayed Home
We packed our suitcases and headed south to the Great Wolf Lodge this weekend. As we were pulling out of the driveway I rolled down the window and shouted "Good bye breast cancer - you're staying home this weekend". For the most part I forgot about the breast cancer fight and just had some fun and relaxation with my family. We've had a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge on our minds for quite a while and had originally planned our trip in June, the first weekend that school gets out. Since I will probably be starting chemo before then, I wanted to go now, in order to feel my best and enjoy the time. It was a beautiful weekend, although not quite warm enough for outdoor water slides, so the indoor option was perfect. The kids enjoyed the water park as well as the Quest at the lodge. I enjoyed reading Marie Osmond's "Might as Well Laugh about it Now" and watched lots and lots of people.
After the lodge, we drove 30 minutes North to visit with Mom and Tony for a night. For many years we have had a great time visiting them in Lacey. Mom cooks us great meals and Tony is always up for an interesting conversation or good-natured debate. They are both full of growing up stories and Tony can remember the names of people from 60 years ago like it was yesterday. I can barely remember the names of my children's classmates today. Now that they have a home on our property they spend more time up here, so this was truly a rare treat! However, for some reason, I become so relaxed that I just fall asleep about any old time at Mom's. Funny, we used to do that at Dan's Granny's house in Idaho as well. I think we just forget all our worries, which is just the way it's meant to be.
After the lodge, we drove 30 minutes North to visit with Mom and Tony for a night. For many years we have had a great time visiting them in Lacey. Mom cooks us great meals and Tony is always up for an interesting conversation or good-natured debate. They are both full of growing up stories and Tony can remember the names of people from 60 years ago like it was yesterday. I can barely remember the names of my children's classmates today. Now that they have a home on our property they spend more time up here, so this was truly a rare treat! However, for some reason, I become so relaxed that I just fall asleep about any old time at Mom's. Funny, we used to do that at Dan's Granny's house in Idaho as well. I think we just forget all our worries, which is just the way it's meant to be.
May 19, 2009
I Wogged Today!
Have you ever heard of Wogging? It's when you alternate between run intervals and walk intervals. I did that today. For the first time since my first surgery on April 7th, I ran. I wore 2 sports bras for support and warmed up for about 15 minutes of brisk walking, then started with a 3 minute jog interval. I did 4 of those, with 2 minutes walking in between. I call it a 3-2. Maybe that's what every one calls it? Anyway, my body felt strong but my cardio stamina is sadly lacking. I guess that's what 2 surgeries and 6 weeks of no running (hey - don't forget my old friend - walking) will do. So I've decided to run the Susan G. Kommen Race for the Cure on June 7th. I've recruited my running partner - K2, who was ready and willing to join me. It's a 5K (3.1 miles) so I should be able to build up to a decent ratio of run:walk by then.
It will be a wonderful way to prepare myself for chemo, which I am hoping to schedule to begin on June 9th. Doesn't that sound funny? When you're "hoping to schedule" something it should be, oh I don't know...a pedicure, a haircut, a coffee date, someone to clean the carpets... Not 4 hours of iv drugs and several days of side effects to follow. Losing hair, nausea, etc.
Next week, I have 3 appointments. I am meeting with a different Medical Oncologist just to get a second opinion and to see if there might be a better relationship fit. I am going to be spending the next 5 years in the care of my Medical Onco and need to be 100% comfortable with his/her style. The first doctor was sharp, but I left with several unanswered questions and would just like to meet with one more doctor. Don't get me wrong, I am committed to chemo as it gives me the best chance for a cancer-free life, but want to make double sure.
I will also meet with a counselor at the Breast Center to interview for Genetic Testing. I will blog more about that after I have been to the meeting to learn what it is all about. I don't think that I have the gene, but it is good to make sure, given my age at diagnosis.
Dan & I will meet together for a chemotherapy education session - I'm sure I'll learn more about the side effects of the regimen I am taking, as well as the procedures for chemo. I have been reading memoirs and blogs and have a few friends who have taken the same meds that I will be taking so I think that I have a pretty good idea of what the side effects can be. I will be getting a prescription for a wig, but honestly I see myself more in hats and scarves - especially over the summer.
We will also meet with a financial counselor. Although we have medical insurance through Dan's work, we will still be paying a portion of the expenses. I guess we're going to find out how much that will be. I am not sure that I really want to know. It's bad enough that I have to go through all this...but then we have to be stuck with medical bills too? Are you kidding me?
We've decided to move our weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge to this coming weekend. We had scheduled it for the first weekend that school gets out in June, but given that I am not sure how I'll feel after my first round of chemo we would like to go now while I can still enjoy the time away with family. The kids have been dying to go, so right about now seems like a good time.
It will be a wonderful way to prepare myself for chemo, which I am hoping to schedule to begin on June 9th. Doesn't that sound funny? When you're "hoping to schedule" something it should be, oh I don't know...a pedicure, a haircut, a coffee date, someone to clean the carpets... Not 4 hours of iv drugs and several days of side effects to follow. Losing hair, nausea, etc.
Next week, I have 3 appointments. I am meeting with a different Medical Oncologist just to get a second opinion and to see if there might be a better relationship fit. I am going to be spending the next 5 years in the care of my Medical Onco and need to be 100% comfortable with his/her style. The first doctor was sharp, but I left with several unanswered questions and would just like to meet with one more doctor. Don't get me wrong, I am committed to chemo as it gives me the best chance for a cancer-free life, but want to make double sure.
I will also meet with a counselor at the Breast Center to interview for Genetic Testing. I will blog more about that after I have been to the meeting to learn what it is all about. I don't think that I have the gene, but it is good to make sure, given my age at diagnosis.
Dan & I will meet together for a chemotherapy education session - I'm sure I'll learn more about the side effects of the regimen I am taking, as well as the procedures for chemo. I have been reading memoirs and blogs and have a few friends who have taken the same meds that I will be taking so I think that I have a pretty good idea of what the side effects can be. I will be getting a prescription for a wig, but honestly I see myself more in hats and scarves - especially over the summer.
We will also meet with a financial counselor. Although we have medical insurance through Dan's work, we will still be paying a portion of the expenses. I guess we're going to find out how much that will be. I am not sure that I really want to know. It's bad enough that I have to go through all this...but then we have to be stuck with medical bills too? Are you kidding me?
We've decided to move our weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge to this coming weekend. We had scheduled it for the first weekend that school gets out in June, but given that I am not sure how I'll feel after my first round of chemo we would like to go now while I can still enjoy the time away with family. The kids have been dying to go, so right about now seems like a good time.
May 15, 2009
Can My Day be a Different Day?
We met with the Doctors today. The first appointment was with Dr. Cole in Radiation Oncology. From the beginning we have known that part of "keeping your breast" as she put it was going to be radiation treatment. While radiation is not good for the body, it has pretty easy side effects and most people my age tolerate it with minimal fatigue and some irritation to the skin ranging from slight sunburn to peeling to blistering. That clears up as soon as radiation is over. There can be some longer term effects inlcuding a change to the size of the breast (swelling or shrinking) and to the color of the skin. Most women are reportedly pleased with the outcome of radiation, given the alternative of a full mastectomy.
I also learned that the correct name for my surgery is "Partial Mastectomy" and "Lumpectomy" is a nick name. Cute, huh? Some women even go so far as to call it a "Lumpy". Hee Hee.
In between the appointments, we had about an hour and a half to hang out so we went in search of a cafe or coffee shop. We ended up on Colby with a Tullys on one side and a homey little cafe on the other. Dan wanted the homey cafe but I wanted a Tullys latte (Venaccio is my fave if anyone is asking btw)...."It's your day" Dan told me, so Tully's it was.
"Umm....can my day be a different day?" I think that's only fair.
The appointment with Dr. Wang, the Medical Oncologist was harder than I thought it would be. She reviewed my history to date and didn't hesitate to tell us that her recommendation was for me to have chemotherapy to help make sure the cancer does not come back. They have removed the tumor and the 3 DCIS ducts, but it is possible that there are other cancerous cells which are not detected which could eventually grow into cancer.
I haven't cried much so far, and I won't say I all out cried, but I did have to fight the tears so that I could listen to what she had to say. I also cried when I first heard the news but once I got over it I went right into "go mode". I wasn't surprised by the cancer but there is a difference between anticipating it, and actually hearing the diagnosis. I felt much the same when hearing the recommendation for chemo. When Dr. Smith said it, chemo was more of an opinion or thought, to be open to it when the discussion comes up. When the "Chemotherapist" as I like to call her says it the suggestion becomes much more real. I asked Dr. Wang all kinds of questions trying to understand why chemo was so beneficial and how it would help me if it was so toxic. Really, I think I was just trying to find a way out of it.
Dr. Wang recommeded the regimen called "Second Generation Regimen" which includes Cytoxan and Taxotere every 3 weeks for 6 cycles, so 18 weeks. This would start the beginning of June, giving my incision time to heal before sending in the very drugs that would prevent the rapidly growing cells from healing the tissue. Side effects include nausea, fatigue some general body aches and probable hair loss.
I have already started to deal with preparing myself for these things, including the hair loss although I'm sure I'll be talking more about that later. While hair loss was the first thing that freaked me out about chemo, it's not really very significant any more. More significant is just that it is going to take so long to get back to 100%. It's hard not knowing how I'm going to feel and whether I can commit to the things that I usually do.
I love all of the comments about my positive attitude but honestly, looking at the bright side of things just works better for me. Being sad or angry or depressed, not so much. So here's a few thoughts:
1) During my pregnancy with Audrey I was nauseus for the full term. That's 40 weeks. This is only going to be 18 weeks, so I can do this.
2) I look good in hats.
3) If I do lose my hair, it will be in the summer - hair is hot, I will be much cooler in the summer.
4) I love scarves and they are so in right now. I will have a great selection to choose from.
5) If you have any bright side comments, I would love to hear them.
I also learned that the correct name for my surgery is "Partial Mastectomy" and "Lumpectomy" is a nick name. Cute, huh? Some women even go so far as to call it a "Lumpy". Hee Hee.
In between the appointments, we had about an hour and a half to hang out so we went in search of a cafe or coffee shop. We ended up on Colby with a Tullys on one side and a homey little cafe on the other. Dan wanted the homey cafe but I wanted a Tullys latte (Venaccio is my fave if anyone is asking btw)...."It's your day" Dan told me, so Tully's it was.
"Umm....can my day be a different day?" I think that's only fair.
The appointment with Dr. Wang, the Medical Oncologist was harder than I thought it would be. She reviewed my history to date and didn't hesitate to tell us that her recommendation was for me to have chemotherapy to help make sure the cancer does not come back. They have removed the tumor and the 3 DCIS ducts, but it is possible that there are other cancerous cells which are not detected which could eventually grow into cancer.
I haven't cried much so far, and I won't say I all out cried, but I did have to fight the tears so that I could listen to what she had to say. I also cried when I first heard the news but once I got over it I went right into "go mode". I wasn't surprised by the cancer but there is a difference between anticipating it, and actually hearing the diagnosis. I felt much the same when hearing the recommendation for chemo. When Dr. Smith said it, chemo was more of an opinion or thought, to be open to it when the discussion comes up. When the "Chemotherapist" as I like to call her says it the suggestion becomes much more real. I asked Dr. Wang all kinds of questions trying to understand why chemo was so beneficial and how it would help me if it was so toxic. Really, I think I was just trying to find a way out of it.
Dr. Wang recommeded the regimen called "Second Generation Regimen" which includes Cytoxan and Taxotere every 3 weeks for 6 cycles, so 18 weeks. This would start the beginning of June, giving my incision time to heal before sending in the very drugs that would prevent the rapidly growing cells from healing the tissue. Side effects include nausea, fatigue some general body aches and probable hair loss.
I have already started to deal with preparing myself for these things, including the hair loss although I'm sure I'll be talking more about that later. While hair loss was the first thing that freaked me out about chemo, it's not really very significant any more. More significant is just that it is going to take so long to get back to 100%. It's hard not knowing how I'm going to feel and whether I can commit to the things that I usually do.
I love all of the comments about my positive attitude but honestly, looking at the bright side of things just works better for me. Being sad or angry or depressed, not so much. So here's a few thoughts:
1) During my pregnancy with Audrey I was nauseus for the full term. That's 40 weeks. This is only going to be 18 weeks, so I can do this.
2) I look good in hats.
3) If I do lose my hair, it will be in the summer - hair is hot, I will be much cooler in the summer.
4) I love scarves and they are so in right now. I will have a great selection to choose from.
5) If you have any bright side comments, I would love to hear them.
May 13, 2009
On Conversations with Dr. Smith (Yes, that's his real name)
Here is part of an email I sent to my friend K2, she thought that all of the blog readers might like to see this as well.
I'm feeling good that the surgery part is complete and he has removed all of what was related to this cancer. According to the MRI and Mammo, they can not see any other cancer. The thing he did see, and why he did not get clear margins in the first place was some ducts called DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ - or ducts filled with cancer cells which were not spreading. Kind of like pre-cancer. There is no way to know if there are more, but probably not. He removed 3 of those. So while that is not really devastating news, it's not great either.
He did discuss chemo again and said I was kind of a borderline situation. The tumor is big enough to call it Stage II, but the cancer has not spread outside my breast and they removed what was there. Plus I'll be on tamoxifen (hormone treatment) for the next 5 years which will really slow/stop growth of any other breast cancer. But his recommendation was to do it, because I am so young. If I was 20 yrs older, he'd say no. The reason for this is that the cancer has more years to recur, and because it tends to be more aggressive in pre-menopausal women.
We really make the final decision with the oncologist - I should find out today when the appointment is scheduled. I am hoping to get in quickly.
I'm ready to get back to walking, and might even try a bit of easy free weights. Who knows what chemo will bring, but I might as well feel good while I can.
I'm feeling good that the surgery part is complete and he has removed all of what was related to this cancer. According to the MRI and Mammo, they can not see any other cancer. The thing he did see, and why he did not get clear margins in the first place was some ducts called DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ - or ducts filled with cancer cells which were not spreading. Kind of like pre-cancer. There is no way to know if there are more, but probably not. He removed 3 of those. So while that is not really devastating news, it's not great either.
He did discuss chemo again and said I was kind of a borderline situation. The tumor is big enough to call it Stage II, but the cancer has not spread outside my breast and they removed what was there. Plus I'll be on tamoxifen (hormone treatment) for the next 5 years which will really slow/stop growth of any other breast cancer. But his recommendation was to do it, because I am so young. If I was 20 yrs older, he'd say no. The reason for this is that the cancer has more years to recur, and because it tends to be more aggressive in pre-menopausal women.
We really make the final decision with the oncologist - I should find out today when the appointment is scheduled. I am hoping to get in quickly.
I'm ready to get back to walking, and might even try a bit of easy free weights. Who knows what chemo will bring, but I might as well feel good while I can.
May 12, 2009
Good-bye For Now, Dr. Smith
Today was my post-op appointment with Dr. Smith. After an excision on the lumpectomy, he is 98% sure that all of the cancer was removed. I'm pretty sure that it is as good as it gets, and 100% is just not in a surgeon's vocabulary. So that is great news. My next step is to meet with a Medical Oncologist to discuss chemotherapy and hormone therapy. Following that, will be a Radiation Oncologist to discuss radiation. Although I know that I still have a lot of stuff ahead of me, I am greatly relieved to have the CANCER OUT OF ME!!!!
As for tonight, we celebrated with a Papa Murphy's pizza and ice cream from my friend and fellow breast cancer survivor, Anna. (Anna is currently raising money for breast cancer research and training to walk the 3-day walk - I've put a link to her website in my Favorites section)
Thank you for your prayers, the surgery was a success.....
As for tonight, we celebrated with a Papa Murphy's pizza and ice cream from my friend and fellow breast cancer survivor, Anna. (Anna is currently raising money for breast cancer research and training to walk the 3-day walk - I've put a link to her website in my Favorites section)
Thank you for your prayers, the surgery was a success.....
May 7, 2009
Round #2 Down
Well, I'm home from surgery - recovering comfortably. I do not have any interesting dreams to report, as I'm not sure I ever got into a deep enough sleep the night before to have any dreams at all. As a result, I was very tired and grouchy on Tuesday. Adding to that the fact that I could not eat at all, and could not drink after 11:00am led me to the decision to get under a blanket and watch tv all morning. Do you know how many commercials during the day are dedicated to food and/or food products? ALL OF THEM! After about noon the hunger went away and all I had to cling to was anxiety. Fun.
The good thing was that I did not have to do any of the other pre-procedures. Just show up for the 1 hour surgery, get prepped, go to sleep, wake up and go home. I even got to choose which type of sedation to use this time. Either general anastesia (completely out, breathing tube, no chance of waking up or remembering anything) or deep sedation (awake but so deeply sedated that you think you are asleep and don't remember much if anything). I had a very hard time deciding because I am basically afraid to feel pain. It's funny because I think that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but it still scares me. I asked the prep nurse, Candice, for her opinion and she figured if she had the choice it would be deep sedation. Hmm...still, hard to decide. Eventually, I was there looking the anastesiologist in the face and still had not decided. In the end I choose deep sedation and it was great. I have a vague recollection of some sensation but no pain. When it came time to wake up, I woke up quickly, no nausea, sore throat or dizziness and was home an hour earlier than I anticipated.
I hate to say this, but I'm getting kinda used to surgery. I think that Dan is also getting used to taking me to surgery. He knows to be ready to go out the door the minute I say so, and not to even try to talk to me on the way there. Once we get there, I relax and can be quite chatty with the medical personnel. Go figure. I've been dealing with the Everett Clinic and they really go out of their way to make sure that patients are comfortable and happy. I appreciate it tremendously and try to treat them in kind. Plus, it's a good idea just to get out of the way and let them do their job. Let them focus on the procedure an not on appeasing a grouchy patient.
Our next appointment is May 12, with the surgeon to discuss any results from this last surgery. He removed another 1mm area around the tumor site and it will go to pathology to make sure it is all clear. If there is no cancer found in that tissue, then he will refer us to the medical oncologist with whom I will be spending the next several months. We will have discussions and make decisions on the best treatment for my case, to make sure that the cancer does not return in the same breast, the other breast or anywhere else in my body.
The good thing was that I did not have to do any of the other pre-procedures. Just show up for the 1 hour surgery, get prepped, go to sleep, wake up and go home. I even got to choose which type of sedation to use this time. Either general anastesia (completely out, breathing tube, no chance of waking up or remembering anything) or deep sedation (awake but so deeply sedated that you think you are asleep and don't remember much if anything). I had a very hard time deciding because I am basically afraid to feel pain. It's funny because I think that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but it still scares me. I asked the prep nurse, Candice, for her opinion and she figured if she had the choice it would be deep sedation. Hmm...still, hard to decide. Eventually, I was there looking the anastesiologist in the face and still had not decided. In the end I choose deep sedation and it was great. I have a vague recollection of some sensation but no pain. When it came time to wake up, I woke up quickly, no nausea, sore throat or dizziness and was home an hour earlier than I anticipated.
I hate to say this, but I'm getting kinda used to surgery. I think that Dan is also getting used to taking me to surgery. He knows to be ready to go out the door the minute I say so, and not to even try to talk to me on the way there. Once we get there, I relax and can be quite chatty with the medical personnel. Go figure. I've been dealing with the Everett Clinic and they really go out of their way to make sure that patients are comfortable and happy. I appreciate it tremendously and try to treat them in kind. Plus, it's a good idea just to get out of the way and let them do their job. Let them focus on the procedure an not on appeasing a grouchy patient.
Our next appointment is May 12, with the surgeon to discuss any results from this last surgery. He removed another 1mm area around the tumor site and it will go to pathology to make sure it is all clear. If there is no cancer found in that tissue, then he will refer us to the medical oncologist with whom I will be spending the next several months. We will have discussions and make decisions on the best treatment for my case, to make sure that the cancer does not return in the same breast, the other breast or anywhere else in my body.
May 3, 2009
I Have a Confession to Make
I have a confession to make. Sometimes, when I read newsletters or email updates, I skim over the bible verses and search for the newsy bits. What's going on this week? Who had a baby? Who's getting married? My entry today is a Psalm and I hope that you will read it through, even if you are not usually one to read the bible. It represents my heart, and why I look at this a a season of blessing rather than a season of trial.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because He is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my toungue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16: 5-11
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because He is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my toungue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16: 5-11
April 30, 2009
A Good Week
Did I mention I'm having a good week? Physically, I feel pretty good. My energy is 100% and while I am experiencing some soreness in my left armpit, arm and breast, I can do pretty much whatever I feel like. Good thing I feel like walking, knitting and running kids all over town. I can even do some things that I don't feel like such as housework, laundry and pulling weeds.
I have been walking 1 hour a day, which keeps my mood lifted. It's not the same high as running, but walking is an old, familiar friend. I have trained and walked 2 marathons and was a walker until May 2008, when I began training as a runner with my good friend K2. (you can go to my profile and go to my other blog "Runner Girl MB" to see my running fun) I spoke with my friend Bee last night and she relayed a conversation she had with a client in her workplace. The client works at the Cancer Center in the area where chemotherapy is done. It seems that people who continue with some form of exercise fare better during chemo by far. OK, that sounds good to me. It remains to be determined whether I will go through chemo or not, but if I do - it's good to know that my old friend walking will help me. (maybe not an hour every day though)
One of the most difficult things about this for me is that I was in the best shape of my life and at the lowest weight of my life at the time of diagnosis. I had lost 24 lbs over the past year and recently run two half-marathons. I've even been lifting weights in the free-weight room at the YMCA and it turns out I'm pretty strong. Slowing down during the 4 weeks since surgery has been tough.
One good thing that I am noticing is that I am living each day as it comes and living in the moment. Since I don't know exactly what the next several months will look like for me, I have not made a lot of commitments. I am not working from home as I was for the past few months and that frees up a little more time during the day. I have more freedom to choose exactly how I spend my time and I love that. I stop to take the time to have conversations with people, not just move through life at a breakneck speed. This is a change which might need to stick around.
I have been walking 1 hour a day, which keeps my mood lifted. It's not the same high as running, but walking is an old, familiar friend. I have trained and walked 2 marathons and was a walker until May 2008, when I began training as a runner with my good friend K2. (you can go to my profile and go to my other blog "Runner Girl MB" to see my running fun) I spoke with my friend Bee last night and she relayed a conversation she had with a client in her workplace. The client works at the Cancer Center in the area where chemotherapy is done. It seems that people who continue with some form of exercise fare better during chemo by far. OK, that sounds good to me. It remains to be determined whether I will go through chemo or not, but if I do - it's good to know that my old friend walking will help me. (maybe not an hour every day though)
One of the most difficult things about this for me is that I was in the best shape of my life and at the lowest weight of my life at the time of diagnosis. I had lost 24 lbs over the past year and recently run two half-marathons. I've even been lifting weights in the free-weight room at the YMCA and it turns out I'm pretty strong. Slowing down during the 4 weeks since surgery has been tough.
One good thing that I am noticing is that I am living each day as it comes and living in the moment. Since I don't know exactly what the next several months will look like for me, I have not made a lot of commitments. I am not working from home as I was for the past few months and that frees up a little more time during the day. I have more freedom to choose exactly how I spend my time and I love that. I stop to take the time to have conversations with people, not just move through life at a breakneck speed. This is a change which might need to stick around.
April 29, 2009
How did I Get Cancer?
April 29, 2009
My cousin also had breast cancer in her mid-forties. (I am 47 yrs old) She told me a story of her Oncologist asking her how she thought she got the cancer. She gave him several ideas of things that may have caused it, including some negative circumstances in her life. His response was "Nope, some people just get breast cancer, you did not cause this" (OK, that's a total paraphrase but you get the idea).
If someone were to ask me how I thought I got cancer, how would I answer? OK, this I know. GOD DID NOT GIVE ME CANCER. Cancer cells are cells in the body which are not doing their job. They are duplicating very quickly and if left uncontrolled will likely take over. Your breast, your organs, your blood stream, your bones, your life. Fighting cancer is ridding your body of the existing cancer and taking measures to make sure that it does not come back, either in your breast or anywhere else in your body. At least that is how I understand it.
When I say "God gave me a pink tile for my mosaic", I do not mean He gave me cancer. Cancer is just a result of something going wrong in my body. The pink tile represents the whole cancer package. Early detection, fighting it, learning from it, growing in faith because of it, growing in relationships with those around me as I fight it. It's a pink tile with a silver lining. As I do these things, the dull, scratchy quality will become a more polished, shiny look with a smooth, soft feel and the silver lining will become more and more evident. The cancer just is. God is gracious and leads me step by step as I fight this. He gives me the faith to walk through this, the tools to fight this and the family and friends to love and support me as move through this.
My cousin also had breast cancer in her mid-forties. (I am 47 yrs old) She told me a story of her Oncologist asking her how she thought she got the cancer. She gave him several ideas of things that may have caused it, including some negative circumstances in her life. His response was "Nope, some people just get breast cancer, you did not cause this" (OK, that's a total paraphrase but you get the idea).
If someone were to ask me how I thought I got cancer, how would I answer? OK, this I know. GOD DID NOT GIVE ME CANCER. Cancer cells are cells in the body which are not doing their job. They are duplicating very quickly and if left uncontrolled will likely take over. Your breast, your organs, your blood stream, your bones, your life. Fighting cancer is ridding your body of the existing cancer and taking measures to make sure that it does not come back, either in your breast or anywhere else in your body. At least that is how I understand it.
When I say "God gave me a pink tile for my mosaic", I do not mean He gave me cancer. Cancer is just a result of something going wrong in my body. The pink tile represents the whole cancer package. Early detection, fighting it, learning from it, growing in faith because of it, growing in relationships with those around me as I fight it. It's a pink tile with a silver lining. As I do these things, the dull, scratchy quality will become a more polished, shiny look with a smooth, soft feel and the silver lining will become more and more evident. The cancer just is. God is gracious and leads me step by step as I fight this. He gives me the faith to walk through this, the tools to fight this and the family and friends to love and support me as move through this.
April 28, 2009
Recovery and Waiting
April 20, 2009
While I was waiting in the recovery area, Dr, Smith came to check in - he said he had removed all of the tumor and 3 lymph nodes (correction - I later found out that he removed 12 lymph nodes, which were in 3 clusters). The lymph nodes looked healthy to him, but he would have the pathology results in 7 - 10 days. However, he would be out of town at a conference so we would have to wait 2 weeks to get our results.
Recovery was not too bad, however I was surprised when I discovered that after a couple of days, my left arm was numb, from my incision site in the pit, down to the elbow. It was on the underside and the backside of the arm. About 4-5 days after surgery, the nerves began to awaken and the numbness turned to pain. I had not anticipated this but did some research and found that this was normal, and caused by the nerve damage during lymph node removal.
This was not going to be as easy as I thought.
My Mom and her husband, Tony, came to stay in their cottage which is next to our house, to help with recovery. I was amazed by the outpouring of support I received - we had friends and neighbors delivering meals for a week, flowers, gifts and lots of chocolate. I truly felt like Mrs. Aquafest that week!
On Monday, April 20, 2009, Dan & I went to see Dr. Smith to learn the pathology results of the tumor and lymph nodes. The lymph nodes were all three negative, so there was no node involvement - this is great news! However, the tumor was about twice the size they originally estimated - so over 2 cm, instead of 1. This is significant, in that under 2 cm it is Stage I, but now I was in Stage IIA. A surgeon considers the procedure successful when he removes the tumor with a mimum of 1 mm of healthy tissue all the way around. This is called "clean margins". The Path report did not show clean margins all the way around, so I will be having another surgery on May 5, to remove some more tissue in the area where the tumor was removed. Additionally, since the tumor is now over 2 cm, when we meet with the Oncologist, chemotherapy will now be part of the discussion.
While I was waiting in the recovery area, Dr, Smith came to check in - he said he had removed all of the tumor and 3 lymph nodes (correction - I later found out that he removed 12 lymph nodes, which were in 3 clusters). The lymph nodes looked healthy to him, but he would have the pathology results in 7 - 10 days. However, he would be out of town at a conference so we would have to wait 2 weeks to get our results.
Recovery was not too bad, however I was surprised when I discovered that after a couple of days, my left arm was numb, from my incision site in the pit, down to the elbow. It was on the underside and the backside of the arm. About 4-5 days after surgery, the nerves began to awaken and the numbness turned to pain. I had not anticipated this but did some research and found that this was normal, and caused by the nerve damage during lymph node removal.
This was not going to be as easy as I thought.
My Mom and her husband, Tony, came to stay in their cottage which is next to our house, to help with recovery. I was amazed by the outpouring of support I received - we had friends and neighbors delivering meals for a week, flowers, gifts and lots of chocolate. I truly felt like Mrs. Aquafest that week!
On Monday, April 20, 2009, Dan & I went to see Dr. Smith to learn the pathology results of the tumor and lymph nodes. The lymph nodes were all three negative, so there was no node involvement - this is great news! However, the tumor was about twice the size they originally estimated - so over 2 cm, instead of 1. This is significant, in that under 2 cm it is Stage I, but now I was in Stage IIA. A surgeon considers the procedure successful when he removes the tumor with a mimum of 1 mm of healthy tissue all the way around. This is called "clean margins". The Path report did not show clean margins all the way around, so I will be having another surgery on May 5, to remove some more tissue in the area where the tumor was removed. Additionally, since the tumor is now over 2 cm, when we meet with the Oncologist, chemotherapy will now be part of the discussion.
April 27, 2009
Mrs. Aquafest
April 7, 2009
The morning of my surgery, I had the craziest dream. I dreamed that I was crowned Mrs. Aquafest at our town festival. John Travolta (not the Disco version, but the Hairspray version) was the headline performer. In my dream, he knew my friend H. who is also a breast cancer survivor. When he said Hi to her from the stage, I stood up and yelled "I know H., too!" Oddly, this has not been the only celebrity dream during my treatment so far. I am pretty sure it all has to do with my feeling somewhat like the center of attention right now.
The day of surgery, there are 3 procedures scheduled. The fist is a Sentinel Lymph Node Injection. This is an injection of a radioactive solution into the breast which follows the path of the tumor's drainage. It shows the surgeon which lymph nodes this particular area of the breast drains through, so that he can biopsy and determine whether there is any node involvement (spread) of the cancer. The radiologist takes images of the drain path, and makes X marks on my breast where the lymph nodes are located. The surgeon also has a hand-held device which detects the radioactive areas.
The second procedure is a Needle Wire Localization. A wire thin needle is inserted into the breast and the tip is circled around the tumor site, to show the surgeon the exact location of the tumor. After this procedure, they put a protective covering over the needle, I don a hospital gown on the top, cover myself in a blanket and they wheel me in a wheel chair to the car. Dan has to drive me to a third location for the surgery. Not exactly the parade float I might have hoped for as Mrs. Aquafest!
The surgery was a breeze after all that - I sure was looking forward to going to sleep. Of course, an instant later I was in recovery and it was all over for that day. He had removed 3 lymph nodes and about a 5 cm area in my breast. I had 2 incisions, each 3 - 4 inches. One under my arm, and one on the lower portion of my breast. Both areas were completely numb and covered with bandages.
The morning of my surgery, I had the craziest dream. I dreamed that I was crowned Mrs. Aquafest at our town festival. John Travolta (not the Disco version, but the Hairspray version) was the headline performer. In my dream, he knew my friend H. who is also a breast cancer survivor. When he said Hi to her from the stage, I stood up and yelled "I know H., too!" Oddly, this has not been the only celebrity dream during my treatment so far. I am pretty sure it all has to do with my feeling somewhat like the center of attention right now.
The day of surgery, there are 3 procedures scheduled. The fist is a Sentinel Lymph Node Injection. This is an injection of a radioactive solution into the breast which follows the path of the tumor's drainage. It shows the surgeon which lymph nodes this particular area of the breast drains through, so that he can biopsy and determine whether there is any node involvement (spread) of the cancer. The radiologist takes images of the drain path, and makes X marks on my breast where the lymph nodes are located. The surgeon also has a hand-held device which detects the radioactive areas.
The second procedure is a Needle Wire Localization. A wire thin needle is inserted into the breast and the tip is circled around the tumor site, to show the surgeon the exact location of the tumor. After this procedure, they put a protective covering over the needle, I don a hospital gown on the top, cover myself in a blanket and they wheel me in a wheel chair to the car. Dan has to drive me to a third location for the surgery. Not exactly the parade float I might have hoped for as Mrs. Aquafest!
The surgery was a breeze after all that - I sure was looking forward to going to sleep. Of course, an instant later I was in recovery and it was all over for that day. He had removed 3 lymph nodes and about a 5 cm area in my breast. I had 2 incisions, each 3 - 4 inches. One under my arm, and one on the lower portion of my breast. Both areas were completely numb and covered with bandages.
"One Brown Shoe and One Black Shoe" or "Not my Lucky Shoes"
March 11, 2009
I went to the Providence Comprehensive Breast center for a Stereotactic Core biopsy on Monday, March 9, 2009. In this procedure, samples of the area surrounding the calcifications are taken through a hollow needle. The radiologist took 6 total samples to be sent to a Pathologist to be tested for cancer. This was the first time that I saw the images of my breast. There it was, 10 - 12 tiny white spots in a tight cluster. It did not look good to me. I think that it was in that image that I knew what the diagnosis would be.
Two days later, Dan and I returned to the Breast Center to learn of the results. We were there on time but had to wait 15 minutes for our appointment. I had already read the magazines in the waiting room, remember this is now my third visit to that office, my first having been to the Everett Clinic in Marysville. I was just waiting anxiously, trying not to eavesdrop on the conversations of others, when I noticed that I had put on two different colored clogs that morning. Dan & I had shared a good giggle over that, which is nice to do when you're waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer. The Lord has been gracious in giving me many comical moments throughout this process. I always enjoy a good laugh, and if it is at my own expense then so much the better. Sadly, the laughter would be quieted for that day, as this was not going to be my lucky pair of shoes.....we received the news - Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma.
Stage I is where they started with my tumor, they estimated it was about 1 cm in size, and assumed no lymph node involvement. The cancer cells are positive for Estrogen and Progesterone receptors. This means that my type of cancer feeds off of the estrogen and progesterone my body produces. It did not escape me that I have also been on birth control pills for 10 years, essentially adding even more estrogen into my system. The good news is, that there is a drug which has been around for a long time, which blocks the cells from absorbing any of the estrogen or progesterone, thus inhibiting the growth of any future cancers. The drug is called Tamoxifen, and it comes with the lovely side effect of hot flashes.
I also had an MRI of my breasts, which is useful in looking for cancers in a different way. the MRI shows cells that are more vascular, which is a sign of cancer. The MRI showed my tumor, but did not show any vascularity in my lymph nodes - wahoo!
My treatment was going to be a lumpectomy followed by radiation and a five year course of Tamoxifen, assuming that all was as it appeared. This was the most common type of breast cancer, caught early, 98% survival rate. Of course, things can change once they get a better look, and they did change after my surgery.
I went to the Providence Comprehensive Breast center for a Stereotactic Core biopsy on Monday, March 9, 2009. In this procedure, samples of the area surrounding the calcifications are taken through a hollow needle. The radiologist took 6 total samples to be sent to a Pathologist to be tested for cancer. This was the first time that I saw the images of my breast. There it was, 10 - 12 tiny white spots in a tight cluster. It did not look good to me. I think that it was in that image that I knew what the diagnosis would be.
Two days later, Dan and I returned to the Breast Center to learn of the results. We were there on time but had to wait 15 minutes for our appointment. I had already read the magazines in the waiting room, remember this is now my third visit to that office, my first having been to the Everett Clinic in Marysville. I was just waiting anxiously, trying not to eavesdrop on the conversations of others, when I noticed that I had put on two different colored clogs that morning. Dan & I had shared a good giggle over that, which is nice to do when you're waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer. The Lord has been gracious in giving me many comical moments throughout this process. I always enjoy a good laugh, and if it is at my own expense then so much the better. Sadly, the laughter would be quieted for that day, as this was not going to be my lucky pair of shoes.....we received the news - Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma.
Stage I is where they started with my tumor, they estimated it was about 1 cm in size, and assumed no lymph node involvement. The cancer cells are positive for Estrogen and Progesterone receptors. This means that my type of cancer feeds off of the estrogen and progesterone my body produces. It did not escape me that I have also been on birth control pills for 10 years, essentially adding even more estrogen into my system. The good news is, that there is a drug which has been around for a long time, which blocks the cells from absorbing any of the estrogen or progesterone, thus inhibiting the growth of any future cancers. The drug is called Tamoxifen, and it comes with the lovely side effect of hot flashes.
I also had an MRI of my breasts, which is useful in looking for cancers in a different way. the MRI shows cells that are more vascular, which is a sign of cancer. The MRI showed my tumor, but did not show any vascularity in my lymph nodes - wahoo!
My treatment was going to be a lumpectomy followed by radiation and a five year course of Tamoxifen, assuming that all was as it appeared. This was the most common type of breast cancer, caught early, 98% survival rate. Of course, things can change once they get a better look, and they did change after my surgery.
Glitter Lotion
January/February 2009
My tiles have always been glorious. They fit in just so creating a flowing picture of God’s gentle leading in my life. Loving husband, bright and beautiful children, friends whom I love and who love me back. But this one is different. It’s not the right shape, and the colors don’t match. It is breast cancer.
I am a 7 year veteran of mammograms, scheduling them like clockwork and arriving on time. I hold perfectly still and don’t breath. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe. This year, I was 4 months late in scheduling. Seems the first reminder letter got lost in the mail. The second reminder card came, scolding me for “ignoring” the first card. Oh, no, not me. I never got the card. You see, if I had, I would have scheduled the appointment right away. I am a Good Patient. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe.
I arrived at the clinic on time, January 30, 2009. Except I used glitter lotion that day. Glitter lotion on the day of a mammogram? What was I thinking? The technician had me wipe it off, and re-took the films. Much better, thank you. When my nurse practioner, Laura, called me back and said “they want to see you again, there are calcifications in your left breast, it doesn’t look too worrisome to me.”, I thought….it was the glitter lotion. It had to be the glitter lotion, it left some smutz on the glass which showed up on the films. I’ll schedule it and we’ll just clear that right up.
The appointment was scheduled for February 24, 2009. Three weeks later. If it was breast cancer, surely they would not wait 3 weeks to take another look. I was reassured. When the appointed day came, I got ready to go. No lotion, no deodorant, don’t breath. She took the films, we chatted about who knows what. After the films, while still in my gown that opened in the front, she took me to a waiting room with coffee and magazines, where another woman sat and waited in her gown that opened in the front. In just a few minutes, the technician came in and told her “everything looks good, we’ll see you again in 1 year.” Then I was alone and waiting….waiting…waiting….how long should it take to look and see that the smutz is gone? Soon the Radiologist came in and sat down.
Honestly, I can’t remember exactly what she said. Blah blah blah, calcifications can have many causes, and do not usually indicate breast cancer. There, she said it “breast cancer”. However, since mine had just shown up since the last mammogram, it indicated some kind of change and they needed to get a better idea. “Our recommendation is a biopsy”. Only 20% of these are early breast cancers..most likely they’ll just want to watch and take another mammogram in a few months.
I met with the medical assistant that day, she explained the procedure and gave me a yellow paper with all of the instructions. We made an appointment, with another one 2 days later for the results. Most likely, they’ll just want to watch and have you come back for a mammogram in 6 months. Heard that before. Yes, you would want to bring someone with you for that one, she explained. Two sets of ears.
My tiles have always been glorious. They fit in just so creating a flowing picture of God’s gentle leading in my life. Loving husband, bright and beautiful children, friends whom I love and who love me back. But this one is different. It’s not the right shape, and the colors don’t match. It is breast cancer.
I am a 7 year veteran of mammograms, scheduling them like clockwork and arriving on time. I hold perfectly still and don’t breath. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe. This year, I was 4 months late in scheduling. Seems the first reminder letter got lost in the mail. The second reminder card came, scolding me for “ignoring” the first card. Oh, no, not me. I never got the card. You see, if I had, I would have scheduled the appointment right away. I am a Good Patient. No lotion, no deodorant and don’t breathe.
I arrived at the clinic on time, January 30, 2009. Except I used glitter lotion that day. Glitter lotion on the day of a mammogram? What was I thinking? The technician had me wipe it off, and re-took the films. Much better, thank you. When my nurse practioner, Laura, called me back and said “they want to see you again, there are calcifications in your left breast, it doesn’t look too worrisome to me.”, I thought….it was the glitter lotion. It had to be the glitter lotion, it left some smutz on the glass which showed up on the films. I’ll schedule it and we’ll just clear that right up.
The appointment was scheduled for February 24, 2009. Three weeks later. If it was breast cancer, surely they would not wait 3 weeks to take another look. I was reassured. When the appointed day came, I got ready to go. No lotion, no deodorant, don’t breath. She took the films, we chatted about who knows what. After the films, while still in my gown that opened in the front, she took me to a waiting room with coffee and magazines, where another woman sat and waited in her gown that opened in the front. In just a few minutes, the technician came in and told her “everything looks good, we’ll see you again in 1 year.” Then I was alone and waiting….waiting…waiting….how long should it take to look and see that the smutz is gone? Soon the Radiologist came in and sat down.
Honestly, I can’t remember exactly what she said. Blah blah blah, calcifications can have many causes, and do not usually indicate breast cancer. There, she said it “breast cancer”. However, since mine had just shown up since the last mammogram, it indicated some kind of change and they needed to get a better idea. “Our recommendation is a biopsy”. Only 20% of these are early breast cancers..most likely they’ll just want to watch and take another mammogram in a few months.
I met with the medical assistant that day, she explained the procedure and gave me a yellow paper with all of the instructions. We made an appointment, with another one 2 days later for the results. Most likely, they’ll just want to watch and have you come back for a mammogram in 6 months. Heard that before. Yes, you would want to bring someone with you for that one, she explained. Two sets of ears.
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